I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
