Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
