My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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