he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
