Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
