Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
