Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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