for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
