Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
