saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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