U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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