i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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