Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
