dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
