Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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