This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
