Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
