in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
