so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
