It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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