I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
