Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
