some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
