Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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