Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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