I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
