There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
