Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
