i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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