Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The air was thick with penises
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
