dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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