actually, I'm a sock model
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
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My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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