ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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