I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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