This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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