u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
