She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
