I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
