Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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