I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
