he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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