you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
