and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
