only you would photoshop your dick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
