i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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