well I can't set my house on fire every night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
