You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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