On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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