Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
