oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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