It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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