i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Barsexuality is the new black.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
