Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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