I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
