I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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