I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick