My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going