we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.