i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween