When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
