you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night