that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer