Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
