i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
please don't ironically join a cult
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
