thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My pussy is not your playground.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize