How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
