This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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