my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
