That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Terrible idea I love it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
