thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
