Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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