yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
