I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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