my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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