I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
