A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Damn victory sex feels great
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
